All my life I've painted myself into your palette
Learned to love red, to crave blue,
Until my stomach churned ocean-deep
And my ears burned like the edge of a flame
But still not enough
You flinch at the pink streaks in my hair, retch at my yellow face.
The punches, at least, are useful
The blood runs red, and for a moment I almost fit
I paint everything over
Arms and legs and the back of my neck,
my toes, my temples, and the soft skin behind my knees.
My purple hands are all that's left. So close to blue, close to red
Close enough, I think
But I'm not sure, and I don't dare risk it
Lately it’s been raining a lot and the paint has been washing away
It runs down in thin rivers,
lands on my face like pearly dew drops
and yellow rises through the red like freckles,
quiet and stubborn and mine
Who will love me when the rest of it goes?
When the green of my arms, the orange at my throat, and the pink of my toes get revealed
A rainbow I'd almost forgotten was there,
patient beneath all that careful color
I haven't seen myself in so long
That rainbow inside of me,
it’s who I am,
and simultaneously your least favourite part of me
I am your least favourite thing about me
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